The Goose of the End Times

We like to think that Canada is our friend. They are our compatriots. Our neighbor nation of the north keeping back the frozen wastes from the United States. They’re our best access to the polar pole of the north. They’re the neighbor that provides the best in maple syrup and a moral role model for many of us. And yet, they have been allowing the most insidious of creatures to flock to the United States without even attempting to prevent their entry from our borders. Did you think that Canada Geese control in NJ was a joke? You won’t be laughing much when you’re strolling through a park enjoying your fine, gorgeous day when sudden; the beating of wings surrounds you. You turn around in surprise, shock and confusion when you see the waddling monster hop-flying it’s way toward you like some raging bull preparing to gore you with its savagely cruel beak from which the trumpeting honk of the Revelations blasts forth.

Geese are seriously savage animals. It’s easy to see them as friendly creatures due to the lack of an actual familiar animal face we can associate with. We can easily read a dog’s expression but you can’t read the deadpan expression on a goose. Those beady black eyes convey nothing even as they charge you in a violent display of territorial ownership. Humans don’t react in the same manner. We can yell at dogs and brandish weapons against them in order to deter them from their actions but a goose has no ingrained fear of our human capabilities. They will charge both man and beast alike without fear for their own lives which makes them so incredibly dangerous. I’ve worked for the past year in New Jersey ridding the state of these foul beasts and I have seen the sort of things they can do.